THE COUCH or, This is Therapy? An Opera by Barry Drogin Copyright©1992 Not Nice Music About "The Couch" "The Couch" (originally entitled "The Psychoterrorists," and then “This is Therapy?”) is intended to be a companion piece to Leonard Bernstein's one-act "Trouble in Tahiti." "Trouble in Tahiti" has two lead roles and a choral trio. "The Couch" features the voices of that trio in its first half, assigning secondary vocal functions to the previous leads, and assigns feature roles to the previous leads in its second half. The first half of "The Couch" echoes loosely "Trouble in Tahiti," including some thematic material from "There is a Garden," a telephone scene, psychiatrist scenes, etc. There is also an homage to John Cage and Jack Benny. The second half contains references to works by Sondheim, Finn, and Sahl as well, but only in passing. Catching any of these references is not necessary to the enjoyment and understanding of the piece. "The Couch" is performed a cappella. It is suggested that "Trouble in Tahiti" could also be performed a cappella, with a vocal arrangement for trio supporting the telephone scene. Details of the casting, set and scenes can be found below. Cast of Characters ADAM - baritone EVE - soprano MR. TEALEAVES - high italianate tenor MS. FOOTBALL - low alto DR. NOVOCAIN - bass Suggested Set Design Except for some movable pieces of furniture, there should be no set, except for blanks walls or a scrim in the rear of the stage (where projections might be accommodated), a covered pit (since there is no orchestra), and a thrust ramp into the audience at center stage, similar to a fashion runway but only a few rows deep. A couch, on wheels, is featured in every scene, and the width of the thrust ramp must accommodate the length of the couch. The couch should be a divan with no back or arm rests, but one side must be slightly raised or capable of being raised to support a head, and the couch must be wide enough (or open up) to accommodate two. One or two chairs, or stools, are carried on by characters as needed. Schematic objects, such as the suggestion of a desk with telephone and an elevator door frame with panel, are flown in from the flies as needed. A painting of Sigmund Freud, a window and a moon also descend from above, or are projections. PROLOGUE: Prayers SCENE 1: A Typical Session/The Dream/The Elevator SCENE 2: Another Session SCENE 3: At Work SCENE 4: Argument Trio/The Bed SCENE 5: The Confrontation SCENE 6: Couple Therapy SCENE 7: Phone Friends SCENE 8: The Vacation/Life Traumas FINALE: The Psychiatrist/The Prescription EPILOGUE: Exhortation PROLOGUE (Prayers) (A painting of Sigmund Freud is revealed center stage. MR. TEALEAVES, MS. FOOTBALL, and DR. NOVOCAIN are revealed on their knees behind the couch, center stage, praying.) TRIO (singing transliteration:) (literal translation:) Pah-tehr Father Hah-gee-ahs-they-toh Hallow tah ah-nah-mah soo. the name of thee. (in English:) Holy, holy, holy! Are your works, Father Sigmund Freud. MR. T: Holy are your texts, NOVOCAIN: Your brilliant writings, FOOTBALL: Your case histories. TRIO: The truth will set us free! (ADAM and EVE are revealed at opposite ends of the stage.) ADAM: EVE: What do I want? What do I want? What do I want to do? What do I want to do? When am I ready? When do I want it? When is the right time? When is it too late? Who will help me? Who has the answers? Who is the one? Who is the one? Where am I now? Where can I go? Where is she? Where is he? Why? Why? TRIO: I believe in Freud... ADAM & EVE: Why? MR. T: And in all thoughts, Conscious and Unconscious. TRIO: I believe in the Holy Trinity: ADAM & EVE (exiting): Why?... NOVOCAIN: The Father, the Mother, And the Oedipal Conflict Son. MR. T: The Id, The Ego, The Super-Ego. FOOTBALL: Repression, Transference, Counter-transference. FOOTBALL: I believe in free association, medication and hypnosis! MR. T: I believe that patients should be charged for missed sessions. NOVOCAIN: I believe in long, long, long August vacations. ADAM & EVE (from offstage): Why?... TRIO: Lead our patients out of their temptations FOOTBALL: Father Sigmund Freud! MR. T: Father Sigmund Freud! NOVOCAINE: Father Sigmund Freud! MR. T: And Jung! FOOTBALL: And Fleiss! TRIO: Lead them Into the Light And Out of their Minds And Onto my Couch. Amen. (Blackout.) SCENE 1 (A Typical Session/The Dream/The Elevator) (The scene opens in darkness. A lullaby is heard. This could be a father and daughter, but the male voice is a high tenor, and the female voice is an adult soprano. The lights rise slowly.) MR. T: EVE: Sleep, dear. Just sleep, dear. Rest you head and Sleep here. Sweet dreams of yesterday And childhood, Oh, The future. Father, Not today, Dear Tomorrow. Father. Not now, forget today. Thank you, Just sleep, dear, Yes, thank you! And dream! (The lights have come up fully to reveal MR. TEALEAVES, holding pen and pad, seated on a chair or stool beside the couch, which holds EVE, asleep. Near the couch is a flown night table with a clock alarm (alternatively, MR. TEALEAVE’s watch can be used), an apple, and a newspaper. At the end of his final note, MR. TEALEAVES, unbeknownst to the audience, sets an alarm, which will go off in four minutes and thirty three seconds...) (Sure that EVE is asleep, during the silence, MR. TEALEAVES puts down pad and pen and picks up the "Living" section of the NY Times. He reads the entire section. He puts down the paper and looks at the clock (or his watch) and at EVE. He finds the crossword puzzle in the Times and folds the paper in four, to the size of the pad. He uses the pen to do the crossword puzzle. He is not very good...) [4'33" of silence - Homage a Jack Benny and John Cage] (After 4'33" exactly, the alarm goes off. MR. TEALEAVES quickly shuts off the alarm, then, as EVE awakens, resumes the posture he had at the beginning, but with the folded Times and pen.) MR. T: EVE: Oh, what a wonderful dream, Sweet fantasies of... I'm sorry, Eve. Time is up. Remember the dream The dream... And you'll tell me about it Next time. Always next time, but... I'm sorry I have other patients Yes, patience. Waiting outside. I'm going... (EVE gets up to go.) Oh, and thank you for the apple. (MR. TEALEAVES picks up the apple and bites into it noisily, and leaves. Eve moves out on the thrust ramp.) EVE: I was back in my Father's house I haven't lived there for many years But I wasn't younger It was now But my mother was still alive. And my father came home from work Somehow we found ourselves outside Working in the garden. This is strange: In our garden there were no flowers. There were carrots and onions And, stranger still, a patch of apples growing on the ground Yellow, red and orange. (ADAM has wandered in carrying a shopping basket, pantomiming shopping.) And my father said, ADAM: "How beautiful the colors are" How beautiful the colors are. And the food was all arranged in patches All arranged in patches Like a quilt And my father saw that I had done it I never noticed it before He was proud of me Your dress made me see it. And thanked me Thank you. (ADAM exits.) EVE: For doing such a wonderful job In the garden Then my mother leaned out the window It seemed miles away And yet so large as to seem very close. (ADAM comes back on carrying a bag of groceries and joins EVE on the thrust ramp. The suggestion of an elevator door and panel is flown in from above.) She said, "Come inside, I've made a lovely dinner" But my father kept working in the garden And my mother was still alive! (EVE is crying. ADAM has been too embarrassed to say anything. He pantomimes leaving the elevator at his floor, but then turns back and stops the door.) ADAM: EVE: What's the matter? I'm sorry. Don't be sorry. Here, in the bag You'll miss your floor, There are tissues. Your floor... On the top. (ADAM reenters the "elevator" and allows the door to close. He puts the bag on the floor and searches for the box.) No... On the top, tissues, On the... Not on the top! Tissues... Oh, the elevator! Crushed! (The door has opened at her floor. EVE rushes past ADAM to keep it from closing, then, regretting what she has done, turns back and slowly reaches for a tissue, holding the door.) Thank you. Are you alright? I was just thinking Are you okay? Of a dream I had today. A dream! It was so lovely So lovely... That it made me cry. I'd love to hear it. I'm keeping you... (ADAM picks up his bag.) There's no rush. (EVE takes another tissue.) Here, take it. Won't you... Let's not hold the elevator. (They both exit and are looking into each other's eyes.) Come inside? SCENE 2 (Another Session) (Back in MR. TEALEAVES's office, as in Scene 1. EVE rushes in.) EVE: Oh, Mr. T., MR. T: What excitement! What's the matter? There's this man He lives in my building. What? He loves to cook Calm down, Healthy things... Eve, stop it! You know you get excited I get excited. Now calm down, Oh, Mr. T., Who is this man? He's so wonderful! He's a lawyer In a lovely apartment On the fifth floor. What an amazing kitchen With a view! You've seen his We've seen each other Kitchen? Many times In the elevator and the... Yes! I remember now. Once at the greenmarket. Eve... He had his own little basket. What a wonderful man. He sent me flowers And over nothing; A little tear in the elevator. What do you Know about this man? We both love cooking Cooking? Or rather He loves cooking I love growing plants Growing? And growing fruit At my father's place In the country. That apple was very good. Yes! I must bring him some Or maybe we can both go out there And pick some... Now, Eve, What are you rushing into? You get excited This isn't good for you. This is no good... I only care for your Interests. You're a woman Alone in the city. You must be careful And protect yourself... Especially You... Get excited. You'll lose control. I know you're right And I've been careful I mean, my life goes on And I've been watching. We have another date And then my bus'ness trip. Maybe it's too early For the country. I will be careful. I will calm down... Down... Down... (Not heard by EVE, who is lost in thought.) Down into ev'ry day existence. These mortals Playing with fire! Passion is dangerous! People kill for passion! Passion is dangerous, Dangerous! Playing with fire Ordinary... People cease to be ordinary. Normal... They're no longer normal Or healthy... He loves healthy things. I think he loves me. How can he love me? I'm not healthy... Or am I? Do you want An extra appointment? You're very excited. Maybe there's time. I could do Thursday. I'll make the time, Mr. T. It's up to you... Oh, Mr. T., ah! You're right, Mr. T. SCENE 3 (At Work) (A suggestion of a desk with phone, and a chair, this time ADAM's law office. A soliloquy on the phone.) ADAM: Yes, Carol, I'll talk to him. (Hits a button on the phone.) Hello, how are you?... I didn't expect an answer, Mr. Pithman. The reason I wanted to speak to you... My client isn't interested in that. (And neither am I)... Please, Mr. Pithman, we agreed on that a month ago. Aren't you interested in settling this?.... I see. Well, fax me a copy, but I don't think... Goodbye, Mr. Pithman, Goodbye! (Hangs up.) This job! These people! I'm making far too much money doing something I hate! This job! These people! (Pushes another button.) Carol, get me Mr. Boreman, please. (Hangs up.) That bastard keeps missing our appointments. I'm tired of waiting. These people! (He pushes a button.) Hello...Oh, Fred Probation! I haven't talked to you in ages!... But... But the contract says... I know it's money out of your pocket, But that's what we agreed to. Excuse me. (Hits another button.) Mr. Boreman, I'm tired of scheduling time for you. It's been three times you've not shown up. Yes, you're a very valuable client, but... We're closing your account. I don't care what you do. Goodbye! (Hits a button.) Now, Fred, I'll speak to the union, But I doubt they'll agree... Well, that's your opinion. (Hits a button. Angrily:) Yes! (Suddenly bright:) Oh, Eve, you're welcome. You're welcome, sweet woman. They did? Just as I planned. Of course, tonight. I... miss you terribly. I'd love to talk to you all day But the phone is lighting up. I'll survive, I guess, And tomorrow we'll... What's tomorrow? No, you don't have to tell me, that's all right. I have an idea, it'll be a surprise. Goodbye, Eve. Goodbye! (Hangs up. Looking at phone:) This job! SCENE 4 (Argument Trio/The Bed) (MR. TEALEAVES and EVE in MR. TEALEAVES office, as in Scene 1. ADAM remains, but the desk and maybe chair are removed. Perhaps a TV is flown in.) EVE: ADAM: I like to watch TV in bed. He likes to watch I like to watch The news at dinner. At dinner. I like to have a Quiet dinner. Doesn't that sound right? MR. T: Sound right...? EVE: ADAM: He said, We could eat dinner in the bed. We could eat in bed. I don't want to sleep in crumbs! And draw out the roaches, And company comes! How disgusting! (with Mr. T): Oh! I'm list'ning. There must be a solution. He wants resolution. I want what I want. I'm not asking so much? Must I always give in? ADAM: There must be a solution. I'll put the TV on a cart. He'll move it where he wants. I'll have to move it Ev'ry ev'ning It's not where I want It's such a pain The set to be. To do it, But I'll do it. He'll do it. He gets what he wants. EVE: ADAM: MR. T: He always gets what he wants. He always stands up (standing) For his rights. Well, this time I stand up Eve, That's what he does For my rights! I thought we agreed? And you should do (Crosses to ADAM.) I thought we settled this? What you want You agreed, I gave in. When it's important. I gave in. I gave in, too. No, you didn't. If what you want You got Is so important. Exactly I don't If it's so important What you wanted! Believe this! What you wanted! I want the TV where it was. We had a compromise, so If it's important, I'll put the TV where it was! Why bring it up again? It's so important Why can't you give in I gave in To you! Just this once? As well as you. It's important Listen to me! I gave in, To me! Listen to me! You gave in, To me! I don't know why We both gave in, To me! You must always be in control? Eve! I must always keep you in control! ALL THREE: It never stops, it never ends!... EVE: ADAM: MR. T: Why don't you put it I'm going to put it Where you want it?! Where I want it! You must not stop, You must not end! By the bed! Put it in bed! (The couch is treated as a bed. They are joined by MS. FOOTBALL and DR. NOVOCAIN.) ADAM & EVE: The bed, the bed, It's all resolved, We'll do it all in bed. ALL: We'll eat in bed And sleep in bed And read in bed And screw in bed We'll do it all in bed. ADAM & EVE: TRIO: The phone, The bed. Alone, The bed. TV, The bed. Ennui, The bed. ALL: The bed, the bed, the bed, the bed... The bed! (ADAM and EVE embrace violently and fall on to the bed.) SCENE 5 (The Confrontation) (Back in MR. TEALEAVES office, as in Scene 1.) MR. T: An intruder. A crazy man. Undoubtedly in need of Psychoanalysis. Undoubtedly A crazy man. Destroying the treatment Destroying the relationship I spent ten years Nurturing, nurturing, Building, Building my practice, Building her commitment to me, Billing her father for my fee. Ha! Who does he think he is? I know more than he does A lawyer... Ha! How dare he! Ha! Ha! I know more than he does. (A buzzer sounds.) An intruder. A crazy man. (Buzzer sounds again.) MR. T: Come in. (ADAM enters and sits on the couch.) Ah, sit down, sit down. Eve has consented to Let me talk to you. But still there is a Doctor-Patient privilege You understand? ADAM: I understand that Eve and I have been Seeing each other For almost a year now. I love her very much And she loves me. She's given me the courage To pursue my cooking Professionally. I've started a Business and may Give up the law. MR. T: Yes, go on. ADAM: But you know this already I suppose. MR. T: Eve may have told Me something about it. But I don't know the details. Do you need to talk To someone objective? Is that why you're here? ADAM: No! I'm mad at you. MR. T.: At me? Why? I'm merely helping Eve. ADAM: I'm not sure helping Eve To argue with me is helping her. She loves me She cares deeply So we get passionate about things. We argue It gets unpleasant, yes, But then it's over, Settled, Or it would be If she didn’t come here to relive it! (Adam repeats from “She loves me” as MR. T adds:) MR. T.: Adam, you are the best thing To happen to Eve In her sad, troubled, painful life. You do not know. Soon her treatment will be over She’s nearing a breakthrough Thanks all to you and me, A breakthrough! MR. T (alone): You're angry And you think like a lawyer I’d tell you more But that's privileged. ADAM: Privileged. ADAM & MR. T.: The relationship with a client is Sacred, the trust is inviolate. Secrets revealed by a client stay Secret or trust will evaporate. This is our bond. This is our creed. To serve our client's need. ADAM: I want to help Eve You can't know what's going on If you hear it only from her. If you really want to help her Then you must know her life Talk to her every day Hold her, comfort her, love her As I do. MR. T.: I'll speak to Eve About the possibility Of your coming together. Perhaps on alternate weeks. ADAM: I'm glad we were able to settle this. At times I've felt like Challenging you to a duel But that's not possible In the twentieth century. You must believe I love Eve very much And only want what's best for her. Mr. T.: So do I. (MR. TEALEAVES rises, so ADAM does, too.) I'll charge this session to Eve You can work it out financially With her. (He offers his hand.) Thank you for coming. (ADAM takes it, then exits. To audience:) An intruder. A crazy man. Undoubtedly in need of Psychoanalysis! SCENE 6 (Couple Therapy) (MS. FOOTBALL’s office, a mirror image of MR. TEALEAVE’s office. ADAM and EVE enter and sit on the couch; MS. FOOTBALL is on a chair or stool beside.) ADAM: EVE: MS. FOOTBALL: How could I have agreed? What was I thinking? How could I have agreed? How could I... What was I... Stop! Here we each take turns. Both of you will Have your say. You, sir, you go first. But... Calm down, And then go first. Okay. I met Eve The summer before last Well, We lived in the Same building So we'd seen Each other before She isn't interested in this But didn't... Why don't you Let me speak! Tell her, Please, one at a time! You'll have your turn! Why don't you! I... Oh... Please! I can't hear two people At once. Sorry. Go on. I don't know. After a few months We started seeing Mr. Tealeaves. Yes. How I could have How I could have Agreed to see him Let him into my Now... To expect some fairness Therapy. From a man who... I want my own time! Listen! Here we have rules But... We won't get anywhere If you carry into here What's going on out... Well, I don't mean that, Listen Um, I mean Why can't I We have to practice She said Say something? A little order It was my turn Adam always Or... Oh... Gets his way! Now stop it! (Pause.) Let her talk. Okay. I used to see Mr. Tealeaves Much more frequently Then he took Half my sessions! Then he insults My therapist! He insulted me Okay. With his half-baked theories Dumb insinuations and stupid suggestions! You see?! He's still doing it! Let's change the subject. Why are you here? What can I do for you? How can I help? Oh, Ms. Football. I need hope. I need something to hold on to. I need protection But adventure, too. What should I do? What are my options? What path should I take... And what about me? Must I exist In this state of half-knowing? How about my frustration? All I want is time... Time... Time to spend with Eve... Time is almost up... Time to decide... Time together... Why don't you Take a break? Take some time off. Plan a trip. Be alone --- Together --- A vacation... A vacation? A vacation? No decisions, Nothing permanent. Just a little freedom... Freedom! Freedom! A little happiness. A little hope. A little break. A little time? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! We'll plan it here. I'll see you next week. Now, Who is paying me? She is. He is. SCENE 7 (Phone Friends) EVE:(on phone) TRIO:(as phone voice) Hello. It's Eve. Oh, hi. How's my great friend doing? Well, I've problems, problems, Problems, problems... problems, problems... Blah, blah, blah... Oh really? Blah... Oh no! Blah... Oh good for you! Blah... Now ask me how I am. What? Now ask me how are you. Huh? Oh, well. How are you? I'm... I'm... Fine. Great! Wonderful, I guess. Uh-huh. Adam's so enjoying what he's doing. I understand. I remember blah, blah, blah... Oh did you? Blah... Oh yes! Blah... Oh what a thrill! Blah... Well actually I should say... What? Well actually I confess... Huh? Oh hell. What's the matter? I'm... I'm... Worried. Yes. Miserable at times. Oh dear. Adam can be selfish and unfeeling. I sympathize I remember blah, blah, blah... How tragic! Blah... I see! Blah... That's terrible! Blah... Now that I think it... What? Now I remember... Huh? Oh boy. What's the dirt? I'm... I'm... Panicked. Oh! I'm a nervous wreck. Me, too! Maybe I should end this relationship. I back you up. I remember blah, blah, blah... The bastard! Blah... The nerve! Blah... The arrogance! Blah... I'm still undecided... What? I will think about it. Huh? I'm... I'm... Waiting. For? I simply can't decide. You can't? We're planning a vacation together. Just what you need. I remember blah, blah, blah... But then I... Blah... But then... Blah... But, but, but, Blah... Wait! We'll talk. Gotta run. Thanks for calling! EVE: Yes! (Hangs up.) How wonderful To have such great friends Who always... (Not sure this is a good idea:) Agree. SCENE 8 (The Vacation/Life Traumas) ADAM: EVE: A vacation! A vacation! A vacation here in Your father's space. A week off! Just what we needed: A quiet place. My garden! But there was Trouble in Tahiti And Florida was booked Seems that everywhere we looked There was trouble! Trouble! MS. FOOTBALL(appearing): Trouble is relative. Trouble can be fun. Trouble is a challenge! An adventure! An obstacle. A chance to work it out. Planning a life. Planning a vacation. Finding, asking, dealing, compromising, Discovering desire. It's a way to forget The ev'ryday problems. A way to uncover the new! Go away. Be reborn. Time is up. Too-da-loo. (MS. FOOTBALL exits.) ADAM: EVE: I'm changing... I'm changing... Into something more comfortable. (Exits.) Into a new person. More peaceful, more accepting. There's a calmness I've wanted For far too long. Just what I needed: A week in the country With Adam along for company. (returns in shorts): We'll see. Now I'm ready. Now I'm a jock! You look very sexy in trousers. Thank you. Are we unpacked? Yes. Then let's explore! The new. The new. There's this dream beach Faraway from civilization And its discontents. A dream beach Away from the city And its boxes of malcontents. (They move the couch out onto the thrust ramp and sit on it.) There is sand and a lake And a make-shift pier. It's like walking on water. So still, so clear. ADAM & EVE: And anyone can see you're in love. Just a lake and a pier With a bench and a view Of two lovers who've discovered What happiness can be. Just two caring people And a moment together. Maybe there's time... Yes, surely, there's time For living a life on the edge of a pier With a bench and a view Of two lovers that anyone can see Are in love with each other. For a moment the world stops turning, The wind catches its breath, The water is still, And I look in your eyes And I see the only person in the world Who gives meaning to my life! It's so easy when you're two By a lake with a pier Near a house with a garden And a week off from work. It's so easy to remember, We can always go back To the bench with a view... ADAM: With a vision... EVE: With a world... ADAM & EVE: Just a bench made for two With a view. (Kiss. Fade to black except for white spot light on moon. Couch is moved upstage and treated as a bad. Then, a loud phone ring.) TRIO: Adam, Adam, Adam... (Phone rings again.) Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam... (Phone rings third time. Lights rise as ADAM picks up phone from bed. Unnoticed by audience, moon turns red, then disappears amongst normal backdrop.) ADAM: Who can this be? Yes, what? But I'm on vacation. Oh, my god. How did he... Of course. I will. Thank you. EVE: What's happened? ADAM: My boss died last night. It's terrible --- so sudden. I'll have to pack immediately. We'll ask for a delay but it will be havoc. It's such a shock. EVE: Don't worry. It will be all right. Don't bother with packing, I'll handle it. You go on ahead and I'll clean the place up. I'll meet you tonight. ADAM(distracted): Tonight, yes. There's nothing I can wear to the office. I'll have to stop by the apartment. (Stopped for a second, to EVE:) Goodbye. (ADAM exits.) EVE(alone): Back in this house. Oh, what a mess! I can't leave it like this. What would father think? What would mother think? Why have I come back to this house? (Starts cleaning. ADAM appears in suit.) EVE: ADAM: Back in this house. Back at this job. Too many memories Now that they Fighting my soul. Need me more How to forget? How can I leave? Just when I'm happy Just when I found what I wanted I end up doing dishes, Now I'm too busy for her, Doing the wash. Too busy for me. Why have I come Why have I come Back to this house? Back to this job? Back to a garden gone to seed Back to the clients and the books. Back to a barren pantry, Back to the bar, An empty closet, Back to the wall! No heat, no air, no life! I'm trapped! (Goes to phone.) No escape! Let me call Adam --- I must call Eve No --- he'll be working. But where is the number? (Starts dialing.) I'm having a crisis. I left her alone up there --- I'll call Mr. Tealeaves. Oh, here it is. MR. T: Yes? (Dials.) This is Eve. I hope she's all right. So much is happening It's busy. And much too fast. Who can I call? MR. T: I'll call Ms. Football. Calm down. (Dials.) Where are you? She'll help. EVE: MS. FOOTBALL: I'm at my parent's house Hello? ADAM: Alone. This is Adam. ADAM & EVE: Everything has fallen apart. MR. T & MS. FOOTBALL: I can't talk But I know who can. Let me give you his number. ADAM & EVE: Oh thank you. Thank you. MR. T & MS. FOOTBALL: It's Gramercy Seven Two Oh Four Five. I'm sorry. Goodbye. (Exit.) ADAM & EVE: Goodbye. FINALE: (The Psychiatrist/The Presecription) (They dial. DR. NOVOCAINE appears.) DR. NOVOCAINE: Hello? Oh, please hold. (Hits button.) Please hold. (Hits button.) Yes? EVE: I was recommended by Mr. Tealeaves... DR. NOVOCAINE: Ah, yes, Can you come at one o'clock? EVE: Um, yes. DR. NOVOCAINE: Thank you. (Hits button.) Yes? ADAM: I was given your number by Ms. Football... DR. NOVOCAINE: I see. How is one fifteen? ADAM: Okay. DR. NOVOCAINE: Goodbye. (Hangs up.) I'm Doctor Novocaine. And I earn my living quietly Practicing Psychiatry. Novocaine. I can ease a person's friction With a flick of a prescription. Doctor Novocaine, Doctor Feel No Pain, For the Mildly Insane Or the Merely Inane. Doctor Novocaine. There's no dream I can't fulfill With a dose of Elavil. Just call Novocaine. If you're feeling an attack, I can get for you Prozac. We've got Valium and Ativan And Lithium and Lorazepam, We've manic deflaters And mood elevators And drug compensators galore! Doctor Novocaine. What I do is impressive For a manic or depressive. Doctor Novocaine. Can they sue? They're immobilized! My clients are all tranquilized! If your psyche is conflicted There's a chance you'll get addicted! Don't be shy --- don't be smug --- Try the latest wonder drug! Don't be paranoid. I've got a list To keep employed your pharmacist and me! I'm Doctor Novocaine. These therapists are amateur Without the legal signature Of Doctor --- PEE AITCH DEE DEGREE! --- No --- HE'S A PRO! --- Vo --- WAY TO GO! --- Caine!! ---Come in! (EVE enters, panicked.) EVE: Oh, Doctor, Doctor. I need your help. The memories are too intense, My responsibilities weigh too dearly. DR. N: Yes, I can help. I have the answers. Trust me and the world disappears... EVE: The world disappears... DR. N: The mind isn't yours, The chemicals run wild. Since you don't understand them, How can you control them? EVE: My mind isn't mine. DR. N: First we will try An anxiety suppressor. It will take a few weeks For you to notice anything. EVE: But I need something now! DR. N: In addition I can give you A mild tranquilizer. It's effect is short-term And you shouldn't use it too often. EVE: Oh, thank you, Doctor! What a wonderful feeling To be progressing towards a solution To the problems of life. DR. N: Yes, a wonderful feeling. Of course, I have to monitor your progress. It's impossible to know The exact nature of your Chemical Imbalance, What will help you the most. But there is hope... EVE: Hope, there is hope! What a wonderful feeling! I believe in you, Doctor! (EVE is handed the prescription.) There is hope in your eyes. I am on the road to recovery. This is my ticket to Hope! (Holding the prescription aloft, EVE starts to exit, but encounters ADAM, entering.) ADAM: Eve, my darling! EVE: Oh, Adam, my love! DR. N: Here is the answer I believe in The final flowering of my treatment. Freud Mr. Tealeaves, Ms. Football, ADAM: And in all thoughts To Doctor Novocaine! Mr. Tealeaves? Conscious and Unconscious. Why have you come MR. T:(entering) When you left here, my dear? I believe in I had such despair Oh! The Holy Trinity: But now I hold the answer. The Id, the Ego, Hope! Eve, I'm here! The Super-Ego. The genius of science! How could I have Left you alone? FOOTBALL:(entering) Understanding! I'll never leave you, I believe in the Truth! I care for you! Oedipal Conflict. (EVE is entranced, absorbed in praising the prescription. ADAM pleads to her, unheard.) Now I understand Now I understand I believe What is possible. What is possible in Repression, All those years Love can lead us Transference, Searching for it, Back to the pier! And Counter- Transference and in Dreaming towards Remember the teachings of A new life of What happiness can Jung, Fleiss, Freedom and Be! Reich! Happiness! Happiness! Jung! Fleiss! No, Reich! I hold in my hand Hold me! Hold me! Holy, holy, holy! A masterwork, Now I see where Are your works, Father's gift, We went wrong. Father Sigmund! Holy Light, There is no text, Holy are your texts, The Brilliant Light There is no writing, Your brilliant writings, Of Therapy and No therapy or Your case histories, Psychoanalysis! Psychoanalysis! Your analyses! The truth will The truth will The truth will Set us free! Set us free! Set us free! (ADAM graps the prescription out of EVE's hand.) What are you doing?! This is no answer! Lead our patients Give me back my hope! This will destroy us! Out of their temptations You don't understand You don't understand, And into the Light How important this is No one understands! Of your theory (ADAM and EVE struggle over the prescription.) To Me! To Me! No one, no one The light Give it to me! Can live alone! Of your theory. I need that Final Together we'll write The light Solution Our own answers! Of your graceful To life!! Please!! Theory!! (The paper is torn in two between them.) MS. FOOTBALL:(solo) I can help you stay together Or I can help you break apart. ADAM & EVE: TRIO: Fuck! See what's happened! Passion is dangerous! Fuck! What an outrage! People kill for passion! Fuck me! Fuck you! They cease to be ordinary! Fuck the world! Fuck normal! They're no longer normal Fuck healthy! Or healthy! (ADAM and EVE fall onto the psychoterrorist's couch tearing off each other's clothes and furiously making love.) Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! No, no, no, no! Fuck!! Ahh!! (The lights dim as MR. TEALEAVES falls forward, dead of a heart attack, MS. FOOTBALL leaps out of the window to her death, and DR. NOVOCAINE shoots himself up in the arm with a fatal overdose. ADAM and EVE are almost completely naked on the couch, in each other's arms, joyously fornicating and oblivious to the carnage around them.) EPILOGUE (Exhortation) (The Epilogue is performed after the bows. If there is no applause, don't perform it.) ALL: Any similarities Between the characters portrayed And actual persons, living or dead, Is Completely Deliberate, Malicious, And intended to Deprive Those Persons Of their Means of Livelihood. Making Money Off Of Someone's Suffering is Evil. Do Not Pay Anyone to Be you friend. Do Not Pay Anyone to Empathize. Walk out on your Psychoterrorist. And Don't Look Back! Walk out on your Psychoterrorist. Walk out on your Psychoterrorist. Walk out! Walk out! Walk out! Walk out! Walk out! Inquiries toward the production of this opera can be made by contacting: Not Nice Music 720 Greenwich St. #5T NY, NY 10014 (212) 243-8784 e-mail: barry@notnicemusic.com